š hello friends. in last weekās update introducing the newsletter, i wrote about relocating and getting set up, uncertainty, and subsequent advice from mentors. (here if you missed it.) in this updateātechnically the first postāi write about the joy of wandering, work life balance, and the cozy neighborhood wine bars i liked most in san francisco.
hope you enjoy.
the art of flaneur, or wandering without aim
is a concept i adopted long before i knew there was a term to describe it. iāve always enjoyed exploring without a destination in mind, as it usually leads to interesting and unexpected discoveries. it started in shanghai, walking with my parents downtown, noting all the new coffeeshops slotted alongside old noodle bars. listening to my dad explain what the city was like when he was growing up, verbally peeling away the fresh paint and the neon signs on the walls, to reveal what they once were.
āthis used to be where i played table tennis with my friends. itās a dessert cafe now? look, the brick is still the same.ā
in every city iāve visited or inhabited since, i do the same kind of meandering to seek inspiration or to help myself think. i love puzzling out the character of a new place, but i also enjoy seeing the same streets from a different perspectives. cities are clothed differently at night versus during the day, in the fall versus the spring, when youāre alone versus with company.
i invite you to join me. (seriously, if you come visit, iāll be your personal guide and make all your reservations.) letās go wander around.
take long walks, but stop often.
stop to check out an antique print shop. to say congrats to the new restaurant on opening day. to buy a slice of pistachio tart. stop when a streetside fado musician is reaching a crescendo. it's poor form anyway to obstruct the view. stop to admire a painting. to smell sizzling salmon and seabass and sardines. to simply process your surroundings once again. there may not be any roses, but there are a few egg tarts left on the bakery windowsill at 10:30pm, and i prefer pastries to flowers most days anyway.
i passed by this gallery during daytime, but the neon is hard to miss at night
get lost with intention.
take the path off the main road, the one you havenāt taken before, the one leading away from instead of towards. or get on a bus, any bus, and get off somewhere new.
with all walks, as with life, you donāt need know your destination before you get started. change it anytime. head to a wine bar, end up at a church. but always bring your phone, charged, to be safe.
there are less crowds in the plaza at 11pm
i donāt listen to music when walking outside, both because itās safer and so i can process the sounds around me. a cityscape playlist, never the same. i try not to think about anything in particular, yet always end up getting a little lost in my head, with multiple thoughts pulling in multiple directions. i call it spontaneous reflection. mental health professionals have called it a possible attention disorder, but thatās a story for another time.
recurring thoughts: how to reach āwork life balance?ā
iāve been thinking about how i should be balancing my energy across career, hobbies, creative pursuits, and other endeavors. i prefer to consider how a career fits into my context of a meaningful and fulfilled life, rather than to structure the rest of ālifeā around my career. (thatās not to say i donāt have specific career ambitions; only that i donāt want my life to revolve around work.)
each personās definition of a meaningful, fulfilled life is different. for me in my early-to-mid twenties, it is one thatās:
novel, or involving diverse new stimuli and experiences. i love exploring new places, trying new dishes, reading new books.
socially fulfilled. i value spending time with and keeping in touch with family and friends.
creatively and intellectually fulfilled. i am much happier when i have at least one creative outlet, and am doing things that engage my curiosity.
full of small moments of joy. such as having an espresso outside on a sunny day, setting aside time to savor my afternoon tea, or flipping through my favorite magazines in a cute cafe. i rarely ever turn down dessert.
taking a coffee break is both a habit and source of joy
one way to feel more balanced across work and life is to strive for a career that also meets your life criteria. another solution for greater balance is to simply dedicate more time to the hobbies, personal passions, or pursuits that already fulfill your criteria. (ideally you can work towards both.) regarding the latter, the easiest way most people to do this right now is to reduce the time and/or mental energy spent on work. which leads me to my next question.
how much should we really be working at our jobs?
this is a question many new grads struggle with, mainly because we donāt know how to ask. this section isnāt supposed to sound like an advice column, but i have some answers so here we go.
when i first started my job, i assumed the whole workday, minus some breaks, was time to be productive. this is incorrect (and almost impossible). i think we all know this implicitly, but sometimes we forgetāpeople are not productive all of the time. you are also getting paid to learn, to ideate, to meet colleagues, to scroll through random slack messages, to recover between consecutive meetings.
a reminder: what you do matters more than how long you spend doing it. more so in some industries (like tech), and especially if you are working remotely. a 40 hour workweek does not mean you must be glued to your laptop for 40 hours. sometimes, the grind is inevitable. maybe you have an end-of-quarter deadline, or a feature launch, or a huge event coming up. but this should be the exception, not the rule.
i donāt work overtime. i average less than 40 hours a week. i get everything done (and if my managers are telling the truth, done well), but iām not actively looking to increase my workload. and thatās okay.
i know people who are very committed to their work, and work 30 hours max a week. theyāre still getting pay bumps or promotions. i know people who work only 10-20 hours a week because theyāre not that passionate about their current role, and are still getting essential tasks done. i know people who do work overtime, because they enjoy the work and see it as learning. (if this is you, youāre lucky to love what youāre doing.) i also know people who work 60+ hour weeks because they are in industries that demand it, but they knew that going in.
thereās no right or wrong way to work, only what works for you and your mental health. speaking of mental health, please take some vacation days if you havenāt already in the past six months.
whatās the deal with unlimited PTO?
someone working in people ops told me that if you have āunlimited PTOā, a good rule of thumb is five weeks off in one year. i didnāt take much time off when i started, but after a while, i wasnāt as inspired and therefore not as effective. as i am lucky to be at a company with a great culture, someone from our people team actually told me to take more vacation. and so i did. and i will.
if youāre interviewing at a company with unlimited PTO, ask how many days people take on average. ask the hiring manager how many days they took over the past year. if youāre not satisfied with the answer, itās likely not really unlimited.
if you take vacation, iād love to see some photos. hereās a recent one from paris.
lastly, should i really leave a job after only X time?
the reality is, companies can always find someone else to do your job; unless you are the founder, you are replaceable. what you should be asking instead is whether youād rather leave, or switch teams/functions/pursue changes in your current role. if you are really dissatisfied and cannot change your situation, consider this your sign to start seeking out a new challenge. (best to not quit until you have secured a new role. health insurance is important!) if you leave after less than six months, leave it off your resume.
now, out with the work and in with the wine [bar recommendations in san francisco].
7 san francisco wine bars to hang out in
i would not be me if i didnāt find a few cozy places to sit in after work when all the cafes are closed.
20 spot (šthe mission)
an old record store turned neighborhood wine bar (they still have the old sign up). their food - a changing menu featuring seasonal produce - is creative and fresh. itās also right across from garden creamery, one of my favorite ice cream spots in the bay. while they donāt take reservations, they have plenty of seats inside and on the heated patio.
my food rec: the pappardelle
go if you like: california cuisine, soft warm lighting
buddy (šthe mission)
a chill and beautifully-designed space. they have a menu of small bites meant to be paired with drinks; iād describe the food as elevated bar fare, comforting but also creative and atypical/surprising. sit inside if you can; itās buzzy up until around 9pm but quieter and more intimate later on. very friendly service.
my food rec: the mushrooms with salsa macha
go if you like: fun and seasonal bar food, natural wine
ora (špolk street)
a subdued french wine bar on the otherwise-boisterous polk street. i had an interesting white from the canary islands that was lemony, herbaceous, and almost savory. they have many wines by the glass, but their food options are limited to sardines on toast, salted nuts, and a charcuterie board.
my food rec: not food but their dry ciders are great too
go if you like: french wine, lowkey vibes, board games
arcana (šthe mission)
a plant store by day and natural wine bar by night. in addition to plants, they also have live music on certain nights (check their social media to learn whoās playing and when). a very aesthetically pleasing space, but can get claustrophobic due to the noise volume and crowds. avoid if you dislike having to speak at elevated volumes to be heard.
my food rec: n/a - havenāt tried any
go if you like: live music, high ceilings, an abundance of leafy plants
heirloom cafe (šthe mission)
a wine bar and restaurant serving seasonal california cuisine. the space feels airy but also cozy, the servers are extremely friendly, and thereās usually soft jazz music playing in the background. as with most places in the city, make a reservation or call ahead, but you can snag a table the day of.
my food rec: the corn soup (if they have it), the panna cotta
go if you like: a full menu, super friendly service
daytrip (štemescal)
this oneās actually in oakland but well worth the trip. itās a fermentation-driven restaurant and bottle shop serving small plates. iād describe the food as playful but balanced, experimental yet comforting, with asian influences. they always have some type of miso butter pasta, though the type of miso (from a local producer) and the ingredients in the dish change seasonally. reservations highly recommended.
my food rec: the tom yum clams, the cured egg yolk veg, the miso butter pasta
go if you like: creative food, east and south east asian flavors
del popolo (šnob hill)
this place is decidedly not a wine bar, but they do have nice wines and a similar vibe to a few other places on this list. make a reservation, or risk waiting outdoors for 30+ minutes. i love watching the pizzas go into the open-kitchen oven and guessing which one is mine. (slightly less so when iām wrong and hungry, but they always come pretty quickly.)
my food rec: the potato pizza (or any of them, really), the soft serve, the basque cheesecake
go if you like: neapolitan-style pizza, funky orange wine
a caveat because iām always honest here - if you want more variety and better prices for both food and wine, just go to lisbon or berlin or paris or mexico city. but on a casual weeknight for anyone based in the bay area, these options are definitely cheaper then plane ticket.
nearing the email length limit, so until next week! wishing you a great day ā
Thanks for the wine bar curation, will check them out!